Making Quality Connections

Making Quality Connections

Moving on from energy, I’m considering one of the biggest energy penny expenditures, the relentless pressure to form connections with others. Connections through social media, in person, and with friends you haven’t met you.

It seems to me, the pressure to connect is ever present. Not from the people I want to connect with, but the internet and so-called gurus, urging me to connect to random strangers in pursuit of my business goals.

Old Timey Connections

In the old days, people found connections through their friends and family. The people you knew provided credentials for the people you didn’t. And if you couldn’t find someone who knew the person you wanted to get to know, you had no chance of ever getting to know them.

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons we often connect so strongly with people we’ve known for a long time, and why we’re reluctant to connect with people we’ve just met. Which can be a problem when you move into a new geographical area or job.

Nowadays, it’s easy to connect with people you don’t know through social media, but whether those connections ever deepen into true friendships is another thing entirely.

Business Connections

These days you need to “get social” for business as well.

Apparently it matters for selling yourself in your next job application. It doesn’t matter what job you’re going for, having a suite of social media accounts to gives employers (and other people) the opportunity to prejudge you.

Especially if you don’t have any accounts – what’s wrong with him/her/them/you?

And you know what “they” say about not judging books by their covers? Or the book by its movie…

And on the subject of pre-judging…

Psychometric Testing

I don’t generally subscribe to psychometric testing because the results can vary widely according to which day you take them. If you’re not well, or just broke up with your boyfriend the results are more likely to come out suggesting you’re a psychotic axe murderer than someone who enjoys drinking hot chocolate and knitting socks.

This is by the by, as my results are somewhat more consistent now that I am a certain age rather than in my hormone driven twenties and thirties.

The main reason I mention this, is because I’m an INFJ in the Myers-Briggs personality assessment. Which basically means I’m a delicate flower who’s easily stressed by loud noises, too many people, and having my routines disturbed. (Think about all those frazzled granny flat posts).

Though, it has to be said, not as much as Clever Girl (who’s just turned three [already]).

The interesting thing (for me) about being INFJ, is the sudden proliferation of books about how to survive as an INFJ in the world.

Not that I’ve read any. (Yet. But there is on of INFJ and marketing I might take a look at…)

Though it’s also handy for knowing where you fit in the Harry Potter universe – seemingly I’d be a great fit for Ravenclaw, and would relate best to Remus Lupin (I tend to get a bit werewolfish when annoyed – just ask DB).

But back to connecting, especially this time of year.

Personal Connections

This time of year, we’re brushing off our Christmas lists, deciding who to buy gifts for, who to send cards to, and who to have drinks or a meal with.

Earlier this year, I read Declutter Your Life, which was the first decluttering guide I’ve read to include a chapter on friends. Not sure about you, but my “address book” is full of dead people, people I used to work with, and people I just don’t have anything in common with anymore.

If you have any of those, or energy vampires, perhaps you could think about who should stay “on the list,” and whether you’d like to stay in touch. Maybe you can catch up outside of Christmas – meet for drinks or lunch, email on the first of the month, or text more often instead. Or all three!

Maybe even get in early, mark out blocks of recovery and detox time, and let people know you don’t have any spaces left in your calendar.

Don’t forget that connections go both ways, and ideally, you want both ends to feel energised rather than depleted by the connection.


Photo by Bruno Figueiredo on Unsplash

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