Ghosts of parallel lives

Just lately, I’ve been haunted by the ghosts of parallel lives.

Choices my parents made

My parents made choices which opened and closed opportunities for me.

I wonder if I would’ve been happier if we’d emigrated to Canada, or New Zealand where members of my extended family already lived.

Given I grew up without local family, it’s hard for me to imagine having aunts, uncles and cousins nearby.

Would my parents have been happier with family around them? Would their marriage have lasted longer?

Choices I made

There were choices I made, and others that were taken out of my hands.

The first marriage, with all its angst and unhappiness. We got married too young, before we were even properly adults. Perhaps if our parents had been less opposed, the relationships would’ve waned and died earlier.

It was tempting to stay in England, and I sometimes wonder if my reasons for returning to Australia were flawed. Especially given the first few years back in Australia I missed England a lot. Still do occasionally, but don’t think about returning anymore.

I miss living in England more than I miss living in the Western Australian town I grew up in.

Pets who come and go

I miss the pets who left more than some of the people.

The kitten stolen when I moved house. Who was so young I don’t have any pictures of her, and can’t remember her name.

Poor Jess, a lovely rottweiler placed in someone else’s care when we left for England, and I have no idea what actually happened to her.

These are the creatures that made me want to stay in the same house for the lifespan of the dogs we got when we settled here. And I still miss my Jack (Pretty Boy) a lot.

Friends who come and go

Many friends are tied to workplaces, and when we leave, we leave the friends as well.

Though one of my lifetime ago friends recontacted me not long ago, and it’s like we’ve never been apart.

Others I thought would be forever are long gone. The friendships unable to sustain themselves without bosses and workloads to complain about.

Multitudes of parallel lives

As Walt Whitman said,

I contain multitudes

My friend Katy thinks to question these parallel lives is perhaps to consider the life you have unhappy. Or maybe unsuccessful.

And there is some merit to that.

Sometimes I feel I’d end in the same places, and others I wonder where I’d be.

Would I have been a better composer than writer?

Would my career have been different if I hadn’t dropped out of university?

Would I have met DB wherever I ended up, or would I have married someone else nearly thirty years ago.

But this life…

The thing about those parallel lives, is you can never tell what they might have become, because to know for sure, requires you to let go of the one you’re actually living.

Perhaps one of the reasons I’ve been thinking about this is I’ve been watching stories recorded in YouTube videos in which a person dies, and is reincarnated to the exact choice that put them on the path of their death.

And of course, knowing what they know, they choose the other option.

But the thing about fiction, is there’s always a hero and a villain. And the villain always gets paid back ten-fold in the new life.

Sadly, a lot of the villains don’t learn anything, because you can see them making the same choices in the “new” lives as the old.

So what if I’m the villain in these new parallel lives?

Not that it matters

Not that it matters, because the chances of getting a do-over are remote (reincarnated to the exact moment of choice notwithstanding).

You just have to make the best decisions you can at the time, move on, and don’t look back.