This morning as we walked Clever Girl, I heard a woman going through five stages of dog calling, and it occurred to me they’re quite similar to Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s stages of grief.

Though it only takes seconds to pass through them.

1. Denial

Like Kübler-Ross’s first stage, the dog calling version of this one is when the dog owner refuses to accept the reality their dog is not responding to them. By calling several times in succession.

For example, Clever girl will look at me when I call her, but if I don’t follow up with a supplementary command, such as “come,” “sit,” or “drop,” she goes back to whatever she was doing.

Like rolling in mud, or eating sh*t, or harassing the little dogs.

Sometimes, the allure of whatever she’s doing is too much and she ignores me anyway.

2. Anger

One a dog owner realises the dog is not returning, they get angry, and say something like, “get here now!”

Which of course doesn’t work, because “get here now!” is not a command they’ve trained for or know what to do with.

As opposed to “come” which usually works on Clever Girl. Drop is always a bit so so seeing as she usually has to give up a slipper, ball, or bone she’s picked up off the street.

(Speaking of which, please don’t abandon your takeout chicken bones on the street.)

3. Bargaining

In the dog calling stage, bargaining will either relate to a softer tone, such as, “please come to mommy,” or the provision of a bribe.

If “come,” hasn’t worked, this is the point, I usually deploy a bribe. For example, a biscuit or a bouncy ball.

Labradors are generally quite food oriented, but I’m not sure whether this option works on all dogs.

4. Depression

Like Kübler-Ross, this stage is one of helplessness and overwhelm.

In this phase of dog calling, you feel stupid and worthless – you can’t even get a dumb animal to come back to you.

It’s kind of a fight/flight/freeze situation.

This might involve chasing the dog, which generally makes the situation worse.

Or you might walk away, which usually works on Clever Girl.

Or you might freeze and dumbly watch the dog do whatever “bad” thing it’s currently doing.

5. Acceptance

Which merges into acceptance – the dog is not coming.

While this signifies the end of the acute grieving phase in Kübler-Ross’s stages, and the return to a more normal life, in the stages of dog calling, this can be the catalyst for change.

In an ideal scenario, it might mean a return to dog training.

Or less ideal, an avoidance of certain activities such as confining the dog when the door bell rings.

Training

It is of course essential to have a well-trained dog, and so you can protect it from itself. To have it stop, stay and come when you call.

That’s not to say Clever Girl is well trained. She’s still quite headstrong, and I wouldn’t dream of letting her off the lead outside of the garden.

Thankfully, she’s not a big barker, and when I call her, she’s usually responsive.